For a woman hurting because of a church leader: Hannah's Been-There Advice

“Sometimes church hurts,” I mumbled to my friend who met me in the parking lot after I fled a meeting where a leader patronizingly scolded me. "Been there," she said. Her hug helped. So did the story of Hannah:    

Hannah's Story (1 Samuel 1:9-28)

Hannah was wrestling with infertility and came to the temple to pour her heart out to God. She promised that if she was blessed with a son she would dedicate the child to Him.  Eli, the priestly leader over the temple, misjudged her pleadings as a drunken disruption and chastised her in her most vulnerable moment of prayer. In an era where women did not speak truth to power, nor challenge their male counterparts, Hannah made the bold move of holding her boundaries with this man, proclaiming, essentially, “I’m not what you say I am. You’ve misjudged me. I’m not inappropriate.”  She knew who she was.  And she was confident enough in her relationship with God to stay present, even in the face of this priesthood leader’s shaming invalidation.  

Eli actually recognized her truth, and pronounced blessings upon her, including a future son.  Amazingly… absolutely amazingly… Hannah was able to discern the man, who erred, from the blessing from God which he pronounced.  She accepted the blessing with rejoicing. 

Not only that, she maintained her promises to God by giving up her son to the very person, the very institution, that misjudged her - allowing Eli, the priest at the temple, to raise him. In modern language this may look like raising our children in the very church where mistaken people have hurt us. Even entrusting those children to institutions and missions and leadership structures that misjudged us, shamed us, or saw our presence in their space as an unwanted annoyance.

Caveat

Now, this doesn’t mean subjecting ourselves or our children to abuse.  Of course not.  Eli wasn’t abusive, but he was wrong.  And Hannah was able to distinguish the errors and weaknesses of a man who was supposed to represent God, from God Himself.  That is spiritual discernment.  That is faith.  And then she passed that faith onto her child, who became one of the pivotal prophets of the Old Testament.

Christ

As a faithful Jewish scholar, Christ surely knew the Old Testament story of Hanna’s handling of a mistaken church leader.  I wonder if He drew comfort from it when His own mother was (in all likelihood) misjudged or scolded at church.  Christ also knows of the mistakes church leaders sometimes make today, and of the real pain those mistakes can cause.  

Hannah Meets Me in the Parking Lot

In my parking lot moments, when I’ve left church feeling misjudged or inappropriately chastised, I remember Hannah:  her discernment, her confidence in her truths, her willingness to speak up, and her ability to see past human imperfections to the grander blessings the church offers me and my posterity. 

Her story is a scripture hug from someone who has been there. Thank you Sister Hannah.  

Are you trying to figure out how to speak your truth with more confidence at church?  Have you been misjudged by someone there?  Are you trying to navigate how to keep your own faith challenges from negatively impacting your children's faith journey?  These are the types of questions therapy can help with.

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