For the marrieds: The Sabbath is for... Sex?!

My austere view of the Sabbath was dramatically challenged at one of the most conservative Sabbath-observing places in the world: The Western Wall. As I sat in my AirBnB watching the Friday sunset at this most holy Jewish site I anticipated a sabbath quiet to descend as the restrictions emerged: no shopping, no igniting electricity, no driving, no no no! I imagined these “thou shalt nots” paralyzing the obedient into submission and stillness, but that’s not what happened.

Instead, all around me, there was joy! Friends dancing in lively circles, hearty singing, synagogue communities joined in animated juicy conversations and laughter, people dressed up in their finest, and families gathered around festive and elaborate meals that went long into the night. (In fact, the next morning when I asked my 6 year old how well he’d slept there on the couch overlooking the Western Wall plaza he complained, “I couldn’t sleep! They pray and pray and pray all night long!”) I turned to the rabbis and discovered that celebrating all these rather sensual pleasures is, indeed, very ‘kosher.’ In fact, sexual intimacy between husband and wife is definitely on the “thou shalt” list.

The vibrancy of that poetic summer evening in Jerusalem was striking. I found myself standing in the middle of it in awe, thinking “You guys do this every week!” I relish the idea that this divinely sanctioned space we call Sabbath includes, celebrates even,… pleasures. Not with an attitude of greedy over indulgence, but with a deeply grateful spirit of full presence. To this I say ~ Yes! Bring on the sabbath!

Curious about what sex therapy is like? We mostly talk about moving sex out of the frame of a transactional"duty," healthy differentiation, and resolving the blocks to emotional intimacy. It's not as awkward as you may think, and the upside is substantial. This work can be done as a couple or individual.

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